Getting dressed (or undressed) when someone else is in the room has got to be the most self-conscious activity known to all of humankind.

Undressing

It can be sexy and exciting! But odds are good that, at some point, I will find myself taking off something that makes me look like I am performing in the Cirque du Soleil. I pull down the skinny jeans when it gets caught on one ankle. Before I know it, I am pulling and twisting, ending up in a flamingo position just trying to get the stupid thing off.

With undressing, it can be sexy and exciting! But odds are good that, at some point, I will find myself taking off something that makes me look like I am performing in the Cirque du Soleil…Before I know it, I am pulling and twisting, ending up in a flamingo position just trying to get the stupid thing off.

Now, I have been told that guys really don’t care what happens while you take off your clothes – striptease or flamingo – as long as they are getting sex at the end of it. Good to know. Of course, this morsel of male insight was provided with the caveat that a sexy striptease is always preferable.

It seems like I would need to be double jointed with Gumby level flexibility in order to truly make a striptease work. Any time I consider it, I imagine

Handsome holding back laughter as I wobble into the room on four-inch, black stilettos. I attempt to reach the zipper at the back of my dress. Arms and fingers are flailing about trying to pull the zipper down, and I end up doing a face plant into our plush carpeting.

Not so sexy.

Getting dressed

Well, I don’t know about you guys but, for women, there is a lot of pulling, grunting, and squeezing. The entire time, we are moving into positions that can be just wrong and disturbing for any nonchalant observer. Really, it is crazy.

There is a reason why we enjoy taking our clothes off more than putting them on. Especially bras. Oh dear god. Such blessed sweet relief to feel that clasp give way allowing the girls to finally be free from forced confinement. I would happily burn all my bras if it wasn’t for the fact that I want my boobs to still be perky when I’m older. Otherwise, it would be burn baby burn. For those of you who have beautifully perky breasts now and insist that you don’t have to wear a bra. Oh, darling, just wait. Gravity works.

I am so thankful Handsome and I have a walk-in closet. That way I can choose whether or not I want to attempt a sexy display (whether he looks up from his cell phone is a separate issue) or I can just hide away in the closet and yank everything off without caring what crazy positions ensue.

If Handsome hears grunting or the sound of elbows and knees hitting the door, he is kind enough not to comment.