A pandemic of biblical, epic, blockbuster disaster movie proportions is invading the world, and the symbol of the struggle as people are in lockdown worldwide is…toilet paper.

Okay, well, maybe not a global symbol but definitely recognizable in America.

A pandemic of biblical, epic, blockbuster disaster movie proportions is invading the world, and the symbol of the struggle as people are in lockdown worldwide is…toilet paper.

How odd that people are dying of this highly contagious respiratory virus, and everyone hoards toilet paper.

Why not gallons of bleach or cases of plastic gloves? That seems to make more sense.

But no. Two weeks before the lockdown was declared in the state I live, I went to the store. The toilet paper shelves were empty except for only a few remaining rolls.

Among those few packages, I saw it. Our brand!

Yes, Handsome and I are particular about the toilet paper we buy, preferring a slightly higher quality over quantity. And 2-ply. Must be 2-ply.

Seeing two packages of our brand, I quickly snatched them up, feeling like I scored the last big-screen tv during a Black Friday sale. Victorious!

At least, I felt that way until I got to the cashier and had to pay $40 for my “find.”

It’s supply-and-demand and capitalism at its…well, not at its best.

Still thankful for those packages, though. We haven’t had to open one yet, but it feels good knowing we are prepared, just in case.

Although it does seem weird how that will be one of the main things I will remember about the Coronavirus – also known as COVID-19 – outbreak. Toilet paper panic.

I’ve seen so many memes about toilet paper. One that was making the social media rounds stated in white text on a black background, “Ah-ha! Toilet paper hoarding explained: Some people are eating their own cooking for the first time.”

On Twitter, someone posted, “FOR SALE This exquisite roll of heirloom bathroom tissue, artisanally hand-crafted from the pulp of environmentally sustainable mountain pine plantations, in snow white. CFC free and guaranteed unused. Offers from $250.” I think it was a joke. I’m hoping it was a joke.

Did you see the political cartoon showing toilet paper as the new currency? A man bent over his bills was placing a square of Charmin in each envelope. Given the cost of Charmin right now, he might have overpaid.

There’s even a website devoted to showing how much toilet paper a person actually uses. It proves just how badly everybody overreacted when they bought enough toilet paper to last until Arbor Day 2023.

The self-induced scarcity of it has made me rethink all previous uses. Toilet Papering, affectionately remembered as TP-ing, someone’s house or car seems completely crazy and wasteful to me now. Although I remember doing it gleefully during my teenage years (shhh, don’t tell).

I used to use toilet paper for blotting lipstick and wiping dribbles of makeup off the counter. Not anymore. Kleenex to the rescue.

I guess it all goes to prove that one of our worst fears is an empty toilet paper roll with no hope of a refill. That explains the hoarding, right?

According to the news, the real reason is the snowballing of social influence. Toilet paper just leaves a more significant impression because it is a larger item and takes up more shelf space. So, when it is all gone, or people are carrying away lots of it, you remember it! And then, you act on it because you can’t help but remember it.

If I were to hoard anything for staying at home during a pandemic, it would probably be wine or Reese’s peanut butter cups…maybe both.

But fortunately, I do not have sole control of the shopping list and budget.

Otherwise, I would be tipsy right now with chocolate all over my hands and mouth.

That would make typing a bit hard to do and messy. But not impossible.

Hmmm, may rethink this.

Don’t tell Handsome.